Lifslevande / Alive

I'm not a very frequent bloger at the moment, I'm very sorry about that!
Life is quite challenging at the moment; I'm in alot of pain both in the areas of my body that's affected by KT but also in my joints. It's so typical autumn-pain. It pops up when it gets colder. Thouh, what's going on with my KT I really don't know. My foot has been bad for quite some time now, but it got worse after th elaser treatment I had a month ago. Now I have problems with big areas of vascular malformations underneath my foot. Really, on the area of the foot you walk and that takes all the pressure from your body... It's very, very painful to walk but when I have walked for a while it's almost like you get used to the pain. But as soon as I stop and feel that the pain isn't as bad, lord starting to walk after that is like putting your hand on a hot stowe!
Thouh, I need to walk! I really do! As long as I  can walk I will! I love to go on walks with Louis and I love the freedom of going places myself; no buss, no car....
It's just that it's so painful. My hart rushes at times as it hurts so much... Oh lord, why me?!? Well- why not!!!

I'm not to keen on my body at the moment... It feels like I'm sentenced to life in jail! I'm on death row and I don't know when it's time for me to....go...
My brain and my soul wants so much more than my body is able to do! I feel so agile, so energetic and so....young insede- but my body isn't really the mirror of that. It's not as strong as I feel that I am (at times). I can't do all those things that I want to do! And believe you me, there's alot that I would like to do but can't!!
I want to be let freeeeeeeeee!! God, I'm frustrated!!

I know, I know! I do focus alot on the things I can't do...but that's where I am at the moment. I feel traped, I feel alone and I feel angry! So darn angry at my body and at the cards I have been delt in life!!!
My future dreams are crushed!!! And that makes me soooo angry!!

Thouh, life revards the courageus few!! And I want to be among those people who beats the odds, who rice above their challenges and who lives happy even thouh life delt them unfair cards.

                               "Nothing saves anyones life, Sir.
                                It just postpones their death"
                                                       (History Boys)