Feeling Blue
Sometimes it's just to much..... It's almost like you are trying and trying and trying to get everything to work, to stay positive and happy. You live in ultra rapid, smile and try to get everything done withouth feeling anything. I go back and forth to hospital, get bad news, shake it off me nd keep on going. But all of a sudden your brain slows down and you realise that all this is about me... I am going through this and you can't just hidde from the truth anymore.
I'm so darn feed up with all those hospital appointments, with being in pain, the need to everyday take alot of medications to be able to get through the dasy. I hate the fact that chemo and my medications makes me so tierd and that I barely can stay awake for 8 hours in a row. I hate the fact that even if I take all those medications, I'm still in pain- I'm still ill and I do still have KT and arthritis. Give mer a breake!!!
I try to stay positive at all times. I try to genuinly live life to its fullest and to do something that I like every day. Thouh, sometimes it's not possible. This week I have 7 or 8 appointments. I need to buy food just as everyone else, I need to do my laundry, cook, take a shower and...all these other things. I KNOW that most people work and that I can consider my appointments my job- but I don't work 'cos my body is to tierd, in to much pain and is working to badly for me to be able to work. It takes me forever to take a shower, get dressed and sorted out. Just as it takes my forever to hoover and do mylaundry. After activities such as the once I mentioned, I'm so tierd and in pain tthat I need a rest. How the hell shall I be able to do something fun and exiting inbetween everything that I have to do!
And YES, I know that everybody does things that they do not enjoy; such as work, houshold shores and all of that...but I pray that none of you have KT!!! That you don't have to cary the worry of what the syndrome will do to you and your body. I really hope that you don't have to get the bad news that I get- every single week! I'd much rather work and be well. I'd much rather be "normal".
I know that I'm negative, I know. It's just that I'm so darn fed up with everything!!
As if this isn't enough I feel so badly treated by a family member. This person barely ever speaks to me. I keep asking the person how he/she is doing, giving compliments and I really try to be as kind and civiliced as possible. When I treated him/her the way he/she is treating me; being quiet, no compliments and prais- he/she tells my mother that I don't like him/her!!! Doens't he/she understand that he/she is treating me exactly the same?!?
So, am I supposed to give this person complimets, praise and asking questions without the perosn doing anything what so ever to try to engage a relationship with me?!?!
I have invited this person to a Copenhagen trip, asked this person to come over to my appartment and so one. I have stopped comming with invitations such as these. Is it supposed to be a one way road?! It IS important that this person and I try to get a working relationship. There are two people involved that I love very much and don't want to lose for anything in the world!! There's nothing I wopuldn't do for the two of them. How shall I do to get this relationship going?! What can I do without feeling that I put myself out there to much?!
All of this eats me up from the inside. Just as the worrie I have for Louis as he has had some problems with his pancreas. I worry alot about Louis and his health and try to do everything in my power to give him a lovely doggy life! Louis is as happy as ever!
I barely sleept last night 'cos Louis wanted to play, have his bone, go out, have food at 5 am... It's a really good thing that I love this little monster as much as I do =)!!!
My Dad just went to Asia for 5 weeks... It feels sad 'cos it's my birthday in just 3 weeks and he wont be here then and neither will Monika. They often travel but I miss them especially when it's summer because we have such a lovely time in their garden, walking the dogs, having BBQ:s and just enjoying.
I do also miss my friends.... Miss Lu and Li. I really hope they are comming down to the South of Sweden with their parents this summer!!! I have sooo much to show them! The train museum, the park with all the native Swedish animals, Copenhagen, take a swim in the ocean, go with the mini train through town....
I really ought to hoover my livingroom, but my back hurts- alot. I'd much rather cook dinner!!
Oh, I realised one thing! Most of my readers are nativ English speakers and don't understand how to do to make comments on my blog!
In the bottom of a text is the word "kommentera" in purple, this means "comment" in English! Please press this tiny little word and put your paw print in my blog!!!
Midsummer
Our midsummer has been quite good so far, despite alot of pain... Can't understand why I've been in such pain lately, my body is filled with painkillers....
Well, anyway.
Yesterday Mum, Louis and I picked up my briother Mikke at his work, to hand him Mums car. He workes at McDonald's and for at reat he bought us all burgers! Ýou should have seen Louis when Mum took out the meat from the break and held the steaming, warm burger infront of him!! He was shaking with exitement and took a huge bit. He's really not allowed to eat thinks like that, but as a treat every now and then we allow him something extra.
Mikke drowe us down to the sea so that I could see the huge, read Fat Boys that are along the promenad line this summer! Wow, I feel in love! I was like a child!! Even I could use these huge bean bags! They were high enough to get down to and high enough to get out of!
I have always wanted a Fat Boy! Not as huge as the one on the picture, but a normal size one. I think that would be a great help for me; to have a rest in and to lounge in when i read or watch TV. It shapes tself around your body and ´creates such wounderful staibility!
When we came home Mum and I made the last preparations for our Midsummer dinner. Midsummer food is almost always hearing in different sauses, smoked solmon, eggs, sour milk, new potatoes and most families have tiny sausages and meatballs too. For dessert we had a classic midsummer treat- a bowl of strawberrys with sugar!! Divine and so sweet!
After oru lovely buffé dinner we moved over to ths soffa and watched "the Tourist" with Johnny Deep and Angelina Jolie. Not really my kind of film. To be honest I'm so anoyed with the fact that Jolie looks like a walking skeletton! What kind of roll model is she?!
But I leaned my eyes on Johnny deep instead...god is he gorgeus or what?!
Midsumer is a really party weekend in Sweden. Most people party all night; drink alot of alcohol, dance and spend time together with friends and family. I don't really have the energy, or strenght, to be able to go to parties. I'm always so tierd and lacking energy due to KT and all the medications. To many of you readers, it must sound strange that I spend so much time together with my mother. Mum and I have gone through a great deal together, she has become my best friend and most of the time we spend time together as friends and not as mother and daughter.
I have never been able to go to parties and dance all night.... Sometimes it makes me sad, but I try to think that my life has given me so many other things that I wouldn't have if it weren't for KT. I can't say that I'm grateful for KT, but I don't think that I would have been the Marie that I am today if it were not for KT.... And for sure, I wouldn't have had the wounderful friends that I've gained thanks to KT.
I'm going to take a shower now. Then a rest and then lunch before mum and I will take Louis for a little walk. This afternoon mum has invited my brother and his family to dinner. I can't wait to cuddle with little Tilda! I just hope they are leting go of her today....
My grandfather (we call fim Far which is Paps in Swedish), mums dad, is also comming. He's a rather pesimistic old man who needs brightening up!!
Well, I ought to take that shower now as I need to rest afterwards.
Hope you all will have a lovely weekend!
Louis Lovely Yesterday!
First we just put Louis in the bin for a few seconds,
and when we took him out he was jumping up and down trying to climb into the bin again.
We lifted him back in and there he was sniffing around, minding his own bussines!
My strange little dog!
Running around in my parents garden playing with Maxi!
As happy as ever!!
Louis was playing furiously with this duck!
He went into the house, searched for the duck and draged it out into the garden!
It makes me so happy to se how happy Louis is!! I wish I could give him a garden of his own....
Maxi watching Louis madness from a safe distance!
Louis tierd!!
The weather yesterday was perfect for a day in the garden! Sunny but not hot, warm enough thou not to wear a jacket.
Louis did really enjoy his afternoon but guess who sleept like a log last night?!
LOUIS!!!
When we came home I cuddled up in my sofa with some snacks, a soft drink and a DVD- to unvind. Louis feel asleep stright away, on top of me. He snorred, his legs moving about as he was dreaming!
I bet he was dreaming about playing with Maxi, killing the duck, eating lamb and mash and the ride in Dad's car. You see, my dog is mad- he loves V8 cars!!! He can hear them comming from a distance and always thinks that it's my dad coming to pick us up!
When I was going to bed I had to lift Louis from the sofa to the bed. He was really passed out after his wounderful day!
My Monday, so far
Louis is watching "Spiderwick" on TV and I am doing a little bit of this and that. Just spoke to my mentor Eva who mentors me in the so callled "Young Mentors" project. It's a project where young adults with disabilities supports and do fun things together with disabled youngsters in the age between 10-19.
Eva supports me in the conatct with my young adept, she was also one of the educators.
This project is a part of the health system in the part of Swedeb where I live.
I can't see the TV from where I'm sitting but I sure can hear it! It sounds horrible! Screaming, slaming and odd creatues making unhuman noices. Louis is fast asleep infront of the TV and whenever the sound goes up abit, during a battle or something, he lifts his head, opens one eye and looks towards the TV. Really, my Louis has no worries! Well, he has ine and that is to kill the mailman and the paper boy.
It has been a nice day today. After being to the Supermarket I had a bit of lunch and then feel asleep in the soffa. I'm soon taking Louis for a little walk as the rain seems to have stoped, at 5 pm. But it surely rained all day!
I cross my fingers that it will be a dry day tomorrow! Louis and I, we are going to see my Dad, Monika and their dog Maxi. Louis loves when the weather is nice and Dad and Monika opens the door to the garden. Louis runs out of one door, through the garden and in through another door. He keeps doing that and god forbid if anyone closes one of the doors!!! My beloved nutter!
The above pictures are from one of last years BBQ:s at Dads and Monikas.
1) Maxi, Dads and Monikas Euroasian
2) Yes, Louis has his one chair at the table, even at Dads!
4 and 5) Louis and Maxi are waiting when Monika prepares grilled chicken for them! You see, Louis and Maxi eats first- then the rest of us ;-) If dog trainers and K9-gurus heard that they would go crazy!!!
The fun thing is that Maxi is older and bigger than Louis and the Alfa-male, but Maxi is wise enough to understand that if he lets Louis have his way, everything will be peaceful!!! Louis sits next to Monika and Maxi on the other side of the chair!!
My day!
I don't have to look out the window and see that it's a rainy day. I can just look at my watch when I wake up and if Louis lets me sleep longet than 6.30 am, it's deffinetly a rainy day!! We woke up at 8 am, and it was lovely to be able to sleep in a bit. It's Monday today and the first day in ages that I have absolutely nothing planed; nowhere that I have to be, no hospital appointments and no nothing!! It feels lovely to know that this Monday the 20th of June is Louis and mine!!
I have just payed this months bills and amn now waiting for Louis dog biscuitts to get ready. I make biscuitts out of his caned food. I take a tea spoon and make small heaps on a tray that I bake in the owen. After a while I turn down the heat which means that after 1-2 hours I have doggy biscuitts! It's perfect when Louis refuses to eat his dog food =)
As it is pay day for me today I need to go down to the Supermarket to buy some of the necessities such as juice, toiletpaper and cocholate- hihi! I don't do the heavy shopping myself as I can't lift heavy bags. But I do normaly go down to the Supermarket myself a ouple of times per week. I have a shopping trolley that I put the grocerys in- just perfect!
As I live in the city centre of Ängelholm I'm thinking about having a look in some of the shopps on my way to the Supermarket. The not so very good thing about living in the city centre is that I have to pass all the shopps on my way to buy food. I have now found another way ;-), but as I have nothing planed today and as today is MY day- I'll indulf´ge myself with some window shopping and to have a look at the midsummer sale.
It's lovely to have a day without musts, just to take one thing at the time and do the things I feel like doing. It's 11 am and I'm still in the clothes I wore yesterday... Marie- really!!! I just got dressed in them this morning to take Louis for a walk, but normaly I have a shower after breakfast and then a rest before I go to hospital. Today...not so much! Hihi!!!
These days, inbetween all appointmenst, are the days that makes life wort living! Spending time with Louis, reading a book, watching afternnon reruns on TV, eating snacks, launging in my soffa and feel the calm of not having anything what so ever pthat I need to do! I have even planed to make myself an easy sallad for dinner, so that I don't need to take care of a load of dishes afterwards. Which....just remined me of that...ugh, yesterdays dishes is waiting for me in the kitchen! Argh!!! Why?!?!? Well, I'l deal with it as soon as I...feel like it =)
Oficially the Swedish summer holidays begann last Friday, and for school kids and youngsters all ready on the 10th of June. But, today is the first day the summer holiday in Sweden. For me this means that I don't have as many hospital appointments as normal thes coming 2 months. There's always someone on holiday and this makes my schedule less crowded. Nevertheless, there's always an appointment. I'm thinking that I might see to that I clear a whole week in July out, so that I atleast have ONE week without any appointments at all!! I think that Louis and I deserve it!
Yes, I know, I have been on two Europe holidays in a short time but these were as I wrote- short. Short just because I needed to get back to hospital and my treatments. One needs to feel free at times!!!
Guess if I miss England!! It hurts so much to know I'm so far away from many of my dearest friends. To know that I can't just jump on a trian and go see them for a tea or dinner... There's alot of serious savings to be made and alot of planing. I live on disability alovance and money is an issue. I do manage and yes I have an okey life financialy- but there is no way on earth there is room for any extra expences! To buy shoes I need to save for two months and to go on a trip...Hmmm, alot longer! The fact that I was able to go this time was that my mother helped me with the plane ticket, 3 hotell nights and some pocket money. My brother got alot of things for his baby and himself. Then the Proteus Family Network paid for two hotel nights and I'm so greatful to them- THANK YOU!!!
My dream is to get better, be able to have a job and earn money so that I can do those extra things that makes life a bit speciall! The thing is, if you are ill...it's even more important to be able to do those extra things once in a while. Firsta and foremost, I want to be able to do things when I feel okey and...when I actually can. And also, it's so important to have something speciall to look forward to when you have to go through treatmenst, tests and medications. The worry of tomorrow. It's sooo important to be able to let go of everyday life and just embrace life!
Well, I'm going to embrace life in my kitchen doing my dishes now! better to do it so the I can spend the afternnon just realxing!!!
Louis is asleep in our bed. No worries what so ever on his little doggy shoulders!
The love of my life!!!
Klippel Trenaunay and the frustration of having it!
As most of you know I suffer from a very rare congenital dissorder called Klippel Trenaunay Syndrome or KT alt. KTS. This is first an formoste a vascular malformation.
I just realised that I haven't been explaining to much about this condition to the once of you who doesn't know me well or who are KT:er them self. It's hard to fins facts that are easy to understand so I "nicked" some good, layman facts from KT organisations web page www.k-t.org .
Symptoms
The K-T syndrome is a rare congenital malformation that may include the following:
- Port-wine stain or “birthmark” (cutaneous capillary malformations)
- Soft tissue and bony hypertrophy (excessive growth of the soft tissue and /or bones)
- Venous malformations & lymphatic abnormalities
Complications may include bleeding, cellulitis, venous thrombosis, or pulmonary embolism. Associated abnormalities in other systems, such as gigantism of toes, hand and feet anomalies, lymphedema, or involvement of the abdominal and pelvic organs may also occur.
K-T usually is limited to one limb, but may occur in multiple limbs and/or head or trunk area. Internal organs may be involved. Each case of K-T is unique and may exhibit the above characteristics to differing degrees.
There is no known “cure” for the K-T Syndrome.
http://k-t.org/?page_id=28
This link takes you to a printable leaflet http://k-t.org/wp-content/uploads/2010/02/KTSupport-Informational-Brochure.pdf
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Life with KT is no walk in the park. Being back from the Proteus and KT Family Weekend in England, makes me realise what a pain in the ass (excuse my French...) KT really is!! In many of the leaflets you read, doctors articles and so one, you can read that most KT:ers lives a healthy life with not to many symptomes from their KT and that they are expected to live lives of a normal lenght. Up my ***!!! To all my KT friends cross the globe life is a struggle! Most of us suffer from minor bleedings at least once per month, many of us suffer from migraines, joint problems, overgrowth to an extent that it's difficult to find clothes and shoes that fits. Most of us suffer from pain that is so difficult to live with that we need medications that are quite strong.
I don't know a KT:er that can hold a full time job, I don't know a KT:er that is able to manage through a whol day withouth a rest, elevating their legs and let their bodies wind down. We suffer from high or/and low blood pressure, heart problems and blod clots. Most of us have had at least one DVT (deep vein trombosis) and quite a few of us have been rushed to hospital because our doctors have suspected a clot that could travel to our heart or lungs.
My family knows that when I speak about cellullitis I don't talk about the uneaven surfaces on your thigh that women always complain about and call fat- no cellullitis in the world of a KT:er means a painful inflamation in our veins. The area of the inflammation is read, warm to the touch and very painful. Most of the times I get a feever. It requiers mediaction, rest and a great deal of strenght!!
So, please- don't come and tell me that KT is a mild syndrome and please burn those broshures that says that KT is a birthmark!!!
I don't meen to sund agressive or anything. It's just that I'm so fed up with those doctors , and other medical stuff, who have never, ever heard about KT much less meet a patient with the syndrome who thinks that what they read on the internet or in leaflets is the absoulte truth about KT!
I have been questioned so many times and when I was younger and less educated about my illness, I did believe what the dr's told me. The first false truth that a doctor told me was that vascular malformations can't hurt. Yes they can! And they can hurt a great deal. I went for many years believing that the excruciating pain I lived with every day was just normal. I thought that the side effects of fattigue, depression and anger- well, that was just me! Eeeerrr, death wrong! I was well over 20 when I found a anastethist that gave me the propper pain relief.
Another of the truths that a dr has told me was the KT never changes. It is the way it is when you are born and nothing ever happens to it. That was just so fataly wrong and I hope he gave my parents that information out of ignorance and that it wasn't a lie!
KT does change! It does move about in your body, it does caus problems and god does it make life difficult. I have one of the more agressive kinds of KT and I'm happy every single day when I can talk walks with my little Louis, when I can manage to take care of myself and our little flatt!
I believe that many of the healthproblems that I have is conected to KT. At the meeting in Stratford-upon-Avon I realised that I was not the only one with multiple healthproblems AND KT. I did also realice that there were other KT:ers, and Proteus patients, that believes that there is a conection between KT and those problems. I mean, KT changes such a huge part of our abatomy. It would be strange if there wouldn't be more things going wrong- really.
It's not as you might think, it's not at all scary to think like this! I find it a great reliefe if it would be a conection because it would save other KT:ers the problems that I have had. It might be so, that KT:ers ar prone to migraines, high or/and low blood pressure and joint pain. If that were so, we could get better treatment. Instead of dr's saying to us- as they did to me, that it's all in my head! There's no way your body can deteriorate in my HEAD!!!
What I'm trying to say is, that I'm happy that other sufferers had the same thinking as I do. So, the Family Network gave me a little task. That is to, together with Michelle or KT contact, a survey to see if there is a red thread between KT:ers, adn Proteus patients.
I shall not write more now! Louis needs a little weee before I'll have som tea and cheese.
I have had a lovely weekend with my mum! She came to visit Louis and me and she stayed over from Saturday til Sunday. I tried to spoil her so I had pre-made a solmon. mossarella and vegetable paj that we had for lunch yesterday. Then I bought sushi for us to have infront of the TV Saturday evening. We had a lovely time together- even if mum helped me to clean a bit. I can't do the heavy things such as vaccum, carry things and lift boxes. What I needed was to sort my clothes and books out! I have lived in this appartment for a year now and needed to sort the things, I don't really use, out. It's so much more airy now! THANK YOU MUM!!! I don't know what on earth I would have done without my mother, she helps Louis and me so much!
I really hope you didn't find my text today to angry... I just want my blog to be a place where I try to get people to understand how it is to live a life with such a rare kondition as Kilppel Trenaunay is. I also want you all to SEE that it IS possible to live a wounderful life, even if I have to fight a bit more than the averrage person ;-) to get my will.
It would be nice to know if anyone of you have had the same, or similar, problems as I have had- with drs!
Love
xxx
Back again!
Sorry dear readers, that I haven't been writing at all lately! I have been away, in England, for a few days and as the world is nowadays I didn't want to write on tha blog that I was going away! Hope you understand...
I have been in Stratford-upon-Avon in England. I went there to attend "the Proteus Family Networks" family weekend. The network is for people with overgrowth syndromes such as Proteus and KT. This is the second time I attend this meeting, they are held every second year.
We did all stay at the Holiday Inn in Stratford, which was a lovely hotel! What a breakfast bufféet!! Believe me, I have never ever had so much for breakfast in my life! I did eaven go for a Marie-verison of a full English Breakfast =) Lovely!
I had a huge room all to myself! A comfy bed and a walkin closet!
I have soooo much that I want to tell you all but I'll start of with just the most wounderful things that I experienced during this short stay in England.
I did finally get to meet Ingela, Mattias and their two boys Lu and Li! I feel in love with L and L! Li does also have KT and is the most amazing little boy that I have ever meet! He sees no obstacles and just runs around as if he had no problems at all! Li is turning two this summer, his big brother Lu is 3½ years old. They do also live in Sweden, buth 5 hours by car from where I live, so I can't meet them as often as I'd like to. Oh, I wish I had words to describe how amazing these two boys are! Especially Li with his currage, fighting spirit and way of charming everyone he meets!
I did also meet many other dear friends! First out was Mary who arrived at the hotel Friday afternnon. We had tea, a chat and a little walk. We have been corespondancing the old fashion way- snail mail, the past two years. We meet two years ago at the family weekend in Manchester. Since then Mary has been one of my closest firends. Mary is the same age as my parents but what brings us together is KT and the life we have to lead wit this complicated syndrom.
7-ish all of us that had arrived at the hotel meet in the bar for supper. Finally I got to meet Shelly and her mum, Jean and Collin, Chloé and her boyfriend + Chloés family. I was amased by how mych Chlóes little sister had grown! But, on the other hand, two years is a long time in a teenagers life!
Lynda was there too, with her parents! I was so happy to see Lynda as I've tried to get in contact with her, and finally we meet again and exchanged e-mail addys on the spot!
We had a lovely supper together! Two years, as I have said a million times, is a very long time and there is so much catching up to do! We talked, laughed and huged. Yhouh, everyone was very tierd and we decided that we have more time through the weekend to catch up!
Oh, I'm still very exited!!! I meet so many wounerful friends- old and new once during the weekend in Stratford-upon-Avon! I have so much to tell you all; about my dear friends, about KT and things that I learnt about KT that I didn't know before!!! Pictures to show you and adventures to chare!
I'll write more as soon as I can, now I have to go down to the station to pick my mother up. She's spending the weekend here in Ängelholm with Louis and me!! That will be lovely! I'm going through a rough time and I find it hard to be by myself. It's nice to have mum staying over!!
Got to go!!!
I'll write more as soooon as I possible can!!!
// Marie
Three Hospital Appointments Before Lunch
I have had three hospital appointments today, before lunch!
The first one was at 9 am- a new physio who was messuring every single muscle and joint in my body; twisting and turning them around. She was evaluating my muscles and skeletton to see how they are now and how much they break down over time.. So, I'm seeing her every thirs month from now.
The second appointment was to my nurse Ewa. Weight, blood presure and planing for this comming week; med's and so on.
The third appointment was blood tests and it took forever before it was my turn. A good thing I always carry a book with me! I'm stuck in a quite youthful vampier novell by Richelle Mead. I love when it's half reallity half fantasy. It's nice to step out from the reall world sometimes.... ;-)
I'm very, very tierd this afternoon but I need to do my laundry... We have been at mums Thursday until Monday as it has been a weekend with two holidays. Monday was the Swedish National Day, or as they used to call it "The day of the Swedish flag"...
I have been feeling poor this weekend so it was nice to be at Mums. She cooked and helped me take care of Louis, we also spent time together which helped me think of something else than being in pain and being fattigue. As it has been very hot this weekend we have been taking Louis for walks in the evening when it was cooler outside. I'm very greatful for all that my mother does to help make my life easier!!!
Louis is always by my side!!
Louis is doing really well! He's asleep on a stol infront of an open window at the moment! He's not at all fond of the heat and is trying to find wasy to cool down. I take a cold, damp cloth and put that on his back when he is to hot. My little darling!!!
He really deserves the best life and that is what I'll give him! We will give him a low fat dog food that will decrease the strain on his pancreas. It's difficult to get a hold of this special brand of dog food and get it as soon as possible. You can never guess what! Dad and Monika found it on Amazon.com!!!
I have quite alot on my plate at the moment! I try to take one day at the time. This coming week will be loaded with interesting advenrures, doctors aso. and I might not be able to write for a few days! Don't worry- I'll write as soon as I can!!
I have been eating sour sweets while writing, and suddenley realised that I eat all of it!!!
Now, laundry....ugh...
Louis, the Joy of My Life!!!
Well, Louistest weren't as great as I hoped.... Pancreas counts on a dog should be somewhere around 200 and when we first had Louis counts a few months ago it was 374, then over 1000 and now 888. That is no good. Thouh, a dog whit counts like that should be fatigue, in pain, refusing to eat... Louis is just as happy as ever, in no pain, the vet says he's pathologicaly doing fine! The "only" problem is the pancreas counts. Damn it!
The vet wants us to do more blood tests, a new ultarsound and so on and so forth! It feels like we are runing around in circles chasing...nothing really. Chronic pancreatitis is incurable, the thing you can do to maintain a healthy living with it is to eat low fat food. The dog food Louis is on now is high in fat as the vet told us to give Louis this when she first suspected pancreatitis- the vet is an idiot! Mum and I bought w/d from Hill's last Friday and whenever we give it to Louis- he just spits it out! He hates everything from Hill's and so does two other dogs that we know! That's odd! The plan is now to give Louis the same food as he loves but the low fat version- please cross your fingers that they have it here!! If they don't, I might ask dad to try to find in tn Bremen where he's now.
As I wrote, teh vet wants us to put Louis through a batery of tests and the thing is, there's nothing to do about this really! So I don't understand why she wants Louis to go through all of this! The only thing that can lower the counts is a low fat diet and I can put Louis on that withouth all the tests!
Te "animal hospital" in Helsingborg is very famous for tricking their patients into paying for unnesserary tests, treatments and other things. The insurence companies even tell their costumers to be aware of what the vets ask us to put our bellowed animals through!!!
But, there are always tow sides on a coin! It might be nessesary to do the tests...BUT I can't help thinking that Louis is doing so well right now! He's happy, eating, playing, no pain. Before he had loads of blood in his stool, threw up and so on. Now he's just as a little puppy! I want him to be as happy ashe is, and when that changes- then I'll decide what will be best for Louis at that point.
It's so difficult! What would you do?!
I love him so much, but I wont put him through loads of tests, treatments and experiments that wont lead to anything. And, I wont do it for me!! Louis life is for him!! Als, I wont do anything just to keep Lou alive when he's in pain and there...is nothing more to do... Just pray that that day will be years from now and that he'll live a happy life until then!!!
Louis is the love of my life! He has helped me so much and his lovely spirit is the best medication in the world!
I owe Louis a happy life, with fun and adventures! Not let him spend the part when he feels good in hospital doing testst!! I refuse to do that! Would it lead to a cure, of course I would do it...but there is no cure!!
And, another thing! I know low fat diet is the bets thing to do. But, I wont take away his favourite dry biscuits! I wont! Then he lives for me, the biscuits is for him and he loves them!!
Louis in bead, yesterday morning!
It's very hot today! About +27 celsius!! It's way to hot for me and I'm fattigue, have a headache and my KT is very swollen. Thouh, I'm pulling through! I'm greatful to Mum who is helping me alot. right now she is cooking a lovely cod, new potatoes and brocolli lunch. Louis is just waiting fo her to serve him broccoli! Silly dog!!
Today, 5th of June is my brother Mikkes 26th Brithday! It's 1 month since his daughter Tilda was born and it's his, Elins and Tildas dog Julias 8th birthday! What a day! Happy Birthday to the three of you!!!
Now I'm going to have a rest in the soffa. I'm just so knocked down....
Shopping and Omas Birthday!
Yesterday was a quite good day, I must say. For the first time, in a very long time- my mum, my brother Mikke and I spent time together!! We went to "Lager 157" in Höganäs so that my brother could buy some clothes for his birthday money from mum. Mikkes birthday is on Sunday, the same day his little daughter Tilda turns 1 month! I can't believe that my little brother is a father!!
Shopping, of course I wanted to come!! "Lager 157" is an outlet that have loads of fashionable clothes, mostley Swedish designs, and it's half price if you compare to the "normal" retail stores!!
I went with mum and Mikke 'cos I wanted to find a bikini. All bikinis I've tried on are so tiny that it feels like you are almost naked! Haha, well more naked that you really need to be while wearing a bikini! Some boday parts needs to stay private, that's my oppinion. And you can forget that I'm using a swimsuit on the beach!! I want to have a taned tummy too ;-) Hihi!!
Thouh, they didn't have bikinis in stock. What they have in stock is different from time to time and what brands they have is also different. But I didn't dispair!!! I made some lovely bargins... I shouldn't have shopped-really...but I kind of felt that it was my gift to myself after three weeks of feeling very poorly from Chemo.... New clothes somehow lightens your spirit- don't you think?! And I'm just sooo in love with the top!
I bought a pair of beige chino-shorts, a t-shirt with Dalacarlia Horses from the designer Bondelid on and a dark blue "Pippi Longstocking" sweeter. A Pippi-sweeter is normaly beige instead of dark blue, but I liked the blue better!!! And I'm just sooo in love with the pink and read top with the Dalacarlia horses on!!! Dalacarlia horses are a Swedish National symbol, it's red wooden horses painted with patterns in mostley blue, yellow and green.
Mikke found quite alot of clothes and he was very happy too!!
After our little shopping we went to a little restaurant for lunch.We had chips (french fries); I had chicken and mum and Mikke kebab. It was lovely! We didn't eat the vegies thouh, due to the un-traced ehec-infection that is now terrorising Europe!
It was so nice to sitt down with Mikke andMum; onky the three of us! We have been a little family for so long and it feels much needed to get together, only the three of us, sometimes!!! Thanks mum for a lovely lunch!!!
Today is my Omas birthday!! We are invited for dinner at the local pub where Oma and Opa lives. It's only a small celebration today as most parts of the family lives quite some distance away. The big celebration will be in September this autumn when Oma and Opa celebrates their 60th aneversery!!! Relatives from Germany will attend, my oncle from Spain, my cousins who lives in Stockholm- I just can't wait! I don't meet them so often and when I do it's always lovely to catch up!!
But today, Omas birthday and I have bought here something very special!
It's time for me to take a shower now! I just needed a rest after breakfast to let the medications kick in. To take a shower includes so many things that is difficult and causes pain- things that "normal" people don't hink about. Such as, getting undressed, getting dressed, wash my hair, brush my hair, dry my hair, get the suportstocking of and on... It takes a while for me to get ready and I need to have a rest inbetween all those things.
BUT, I'm lucky to be able to manage on my own! I have my own trix and idéas of how to do things. It gets done- may way!! One thing at the time- on step at the time!!!
I just want to show you a picture of yesterdays evening snack that Mum and I made. I bought the prochiutto (spelling!!) and feta cheese and mum had the rest- improvication and wooollaaa!!
Today I'm expecting Louis vet Elin Mård to call. We had a bloodtest done and we are waiting for the results. I'm always so worried when it comes to Louis! He's my everything! He's the love of my life!!
Hope you have a lovely day!
Still kicking
Louis is in somekind of food induced koma and I've just managed to do the dishes! I made mash and chicken, nothing fancy at all. Just something I had a craving for and something that Louis eats too. I dbarely give Louis other things than his dog food and boiled chicken, but he's a pickey eater and I know that mash always works!!!
I have been very, very tierd today! I managed to sitt through the meeting with my occupational therapist but my second hospital appointment, my nurse Ewa... She told me to go home and rest. We did only do the most nessesery things today; weight and blood presure. It showed that I'm still alive- which is a rather good thing!
I'm still kicking as we they say in England ;-)
I have a few days ahead of me withouth any hospital appointments!
I hope that I'll feel better this weekend, the weather is told to be lovely and I hope to be able to get a bit of a tan. I'm quite pale thanks to all the feeling sick, the meds and me being inside more than usually.
Now, cuddly with my snorring dog in the soffa!
I'll write mor as soon as I can sit infornt of the computer withouth falling asleep!
Take care!
