Lifslevande / Alive

There does always seem to be something going down the drain in my world! Now, my dear computer decided to go die on me (at mums using hers now) and needs a total reconstruction. It's with a friend who is trying to blow life back into it. In the meen time Mum and I have decided that I would really need a notebook instead of the stationary computer that I have now. The computer was a gift from my parents (dad and Monika) when I began my University studies four years ago. At that time my body was alot better and I had hugely other plans!!! And, I had other possebileties to use my body... As for now, I'm happy if I can write a whole bloo-text without having to rest.

So, as it is summer sale in all computer stores in Sweden, we are of to have a look at a notebook/laptop today. I'm very, very ungenerous towards myself when it comes to expensive purchases especially as I've just been in England. That costed me a smal fortune. Thouh, it's my birthday in two weeks and Mum has promiossed to help me with a lone towards the computer.... Thouh, I'm still uneased by the idéa of buying something as expencive as a computer. But I try to think about the pros and cons.
Pros such as; I can bring it to the hour long treatments at hospital, I can throw out the huge computer instalation that I have in my hallway, I can use the computer more often as I can sitt better in my soffa and bed and hopefully it will be ergonomicaly better to use for my hands and arms. It will have a more modern set of programs and I will be able to use it more efficiently
Cons such as;...the cost....the cost and, oh the coooost!! Thouh, Mum and I have set a maximum price and as long as I stay underneath that I will be able to pay her of during this life time ;-) Hihihhih!!!

If my friend happens to sort the now dead computer out it will proberbly be at Mums for a while.
I have been thinking about a laptop/notebook for a very long time now and since my occupational therapist told me to try to get on and now since my beloved stationary one got into a coma....well, the idéa has become more reall. So, we are soon of to have a look at the OnOff sale to see if we can fins anything that is not to expencive. I'm actually looking forward to it! Hoping to find on and hoping to get my hallway back!!!

My appatment will feel much bigger, it will be easier to get acces and when I manage to save up money again I will try to buy a little chest of drawers for Louis'es things and other bits and pieces that I have laying around.

Yesterday was quite a good day. It was very sunny and Mum and I went to the beach. We had alovely picknick and had a feel at the cold watter! Mum even had a swim- ughhh!!! I do now have a bit of a suntan and a much healtier look!! We read, talked and just enjoyed the summer weather.
When we came home I had a shower and feel asleep, totaly kanckered!! When I woke up we watched a movie that I have seen a few times before, but love!! "The Escape to Hunag Shi" which is based on a true story a bout a brittish journalist back in the 1930:es. He's in China trying to reveal the truth about the Janapesse massacers and ends up as a teacher at an orphanage. Not to reveal any details, but the movie is very emotional and I do really recomend it!

I have decided, once again, no to waste any time on people that doesn't tend to care about me. I'm fed up with one way relaitionships and tierd of being hurt. Sometimes it's hard to see what people are up to, it's difficult to understand that the folt might not always be mine.... Thanks to dear family members, whom open my eyes and helps me to understand why I feel the way I do and why I might  feel so hurt by some individuals. No, I'm not oversencitive and no I'm not to vigilant. I might be "to" honest at times and I might be of the oppinion that everything is possible to talk about and that you NEED to sort things out. That is NOT the generall oppinion in the world today and I often end up as the bad guy. Truth is very hurtful to some people.
Thouh, I'm lucky to have a handfull ov very close friends and faily that I love and trust. I know that they are there no matter what and no matter where about we are in the world!! You know how you are! Mybeloved blessings in Germany, UK, the States...and Sweden.

I really miss Dad, Monika and Maxi. Louis misses you too!!! We are allready trying to figure out what kind of birthday cake to make for mine and Maxi'es comined birthday. I have found a recepie for "pupcakes" which is cupcakes for dogs!! Might try that recepie- think the dogs would love it!

We are of on our computer quest now! Wish me good luck!! Hope I'll keep my nerves and sanity!