Lifslevande / Alive

Somehow you know who are really, truly there for you when you feel really bad. Feeling loved, and speciall, makes it worth fighting to get through... (If you have watter all the way up to your neck, don't let your head hang!!) 
To know that I'm not going through all of this on my own, that's a fantastic blessing. Even if my family and friends are spread cross the globe, we speak every week and keep in contact to make distances less painful. Makes time more barable til we meet again!

To be honest, I haven't been this blue in a long time. I'm always positive, outspoken and happy. Louis and I do always have something going on!
I thought I was on top of things- that I had everything sorted out and that I would manage through this period of total chaos withouth any bruises.
I thought that I was mentaly prepared, that life couldn't hurt me anymore than it allready has. I guess that my low now is just a sum of all things that has been going on lately; everything from the new diagnosis, to KT getting worse, Louis being ill and a fucked up family on my mothers side. I don't really know what was the straw that broke the camels back. It's just way to much!!

I wish I had the possebility to go back to Lucys in England for a while. Lucy is a friend of mine who owns a very smal B&B. I have stayed with her and her housband Ray alot through the years. Ray has passed away and this trip to England and my stay with Lucy was the first stay since Ray passed.
I miss mtý friends in England sooo much!! Lucy, Ruth, Mary.... Lotti, Vanessa... Lord I miss you all soooo much!!

Right now Louis is alseep on top of two pairs of my shoes. Don't ask me why, but that little dog makes my day- every single day!! You should see my newly hooverd livingroom, looks lika a bomb went of in a biscuitt facrtory...
Louis has been as happy as ever today! We are going to Mums tomorrow and my backpack is sorted and ready to get going. Louis knows that whenever my backpack is packed we are going either to Mums place oc to Dads and Monikas. If I move about in the appartment he runs to the packpack, sitts by it and wags his little tail!! Just as if he's saying "yes, yes!! Are we going now?!?! I'm ready!!!"
The love of my life!!

We have been taking it quite easy this afternoon. The sum of this weeks apointment and phone appointments was 9- NINE!!! That IS somekind of record for me!!
Went to the pharmacy there went all of my savings for this month... 697 kr which is about 80 US dollars, 70 Euro or £70. Just my luck!!!
My medicines are all payed but not in a way where they are payed for when I need them. I have a dicability alovance that I get every month. It's supposed to cover all ex´tra expences that I have due to my diagnoses and illnesses. It doesn't cover it by far so I still get to be grumpy 'cos of the medicine expences ;-) Hihi!!!

Well, we have been watching the last DVD of season 1 of "True Blood". I have been in to vampiers lately. i cought the Twilight bug and read all those books in one go than keept finding other books. I know that most vampeier books are for young adults and that vampeier stories, well, are just made up stories. But, I really need this made up, easy to read, world once in a while. It's lovely to read books that are as far away from reality as these are!
And the "true Blood" series, well got hocked because I found the first Box on sale ;-) Now I'm waiting for the second box to come on sale. It's not a Oscar winning TV-series, but who cares?! It's nice just to disapair away into another world once in a while.

Enough about this now!

Tomorrows plan is to go to the "Kulla Fair" which is a quit big fair just a few miles away. I'm going with mum and I think this is a great plan to take my mind of things. Hopefully I'll trick her into going to Höganäs afterwards. In Höganäs are one of Swedens largest outlets with everything between high quality pottery, china and glass to sports wear and clothes! That's therapy!! Retailtherapy =) Much needed but I'm not really in a position to spend- but, it's good for the soul to be somewhere else than at home and in hospital. It's good to get new impressions, see all those  wounderful colors and things that you never even knew existed. I always find things I didn't know I needed when I'm at fairs!! Lets see what it will be this year!!
If I'm lucky there might be a jummy cocholate cake somewhere along the line?! A luke warm, fudge cocholate cake and a cup of tea!!!!

                                     "Welcome to the dark side, we have cookies!!"