Lifslevande / Alive

I have just been to the Rehab centre at the local hospital for some aqua fittness training. It's a slow pace training with other patients with joint and muscle problems. The water is about 32 degrees celcius and it's sooo nice to get down in the pool and feel your body just float! It's such a relif and it's so much easier to move. The warm water helps my muscles and joints to eas up and it's easier to exorcisse and build muscles to regain some strenght. Did you know that when you are in water your body puts only 12% of your weight on your joints and skeletton?!!?

The problem with the warm water is that my KT swells and gets very tender, red and painfull. It's not ultimate but I need to do my best to help my muscles and joints too...
It feelt difficult to walk around in a swim suit today. I was, of course!!!, the only one with KT there but aos the only one with a visuable disability and malformation. To be honest, you couldn't have guessed that the others had anything going on with them. Still it felt okey to be there...., until we began doing out exorcisses and I saw how much better the others were doing. Crap! Even my artritis is bad, if you compare to others!! True, you shall not compare but...I'm human, I do compare....
Not only did people stare at my KT before we went into the pool but they did also stare at me when we did the exorcises 'cos I couldn't do them the same way as the others.
And...the physio had forgotten all about my KT and the fact that I can't bend my KT-leg at all..... So typical! That added to my wearyness and made me feel even more like an UFO...

But who cares, really?!!? I'm there for me and to make myself better!! I'm there t give myself a chans, a chanse to use my body for as long as posible! I have dereams I need to pursuit =) !!
Yes, I do care and yes it feels inside and yes, I do get sad- but to dwell around feelings like that doesn't help me in the long run. I close the door on those feelings and talk with my dear therapist about them. What on earth would I have done without her?! To live life with KT is a challenge abow others and I couldn't have done it without suport.
To be different and to look different isn't that easy. A malformation such as KT isn't the most pretty thing in the world to those who aren't used to see it!!!

I'm Marie not despite KT but thanks to KT!!! KT is a huge part of who I am, and to be honest I don't think I could imagine a life without it now... Yes, I wouldn't mind a life without all the troubles that KT bings but... it's my life and it's who I am. It's hard to explaine but one day I might be able to!

To exoricsse was lovely but I'm totaly dead right now! I'm soooo tierd! Feels like I could fall asleep any second....
It feels good to work with my body and to feel physical tierd. And, lord, am I hungry or what?!!? Even if I have had a big lunch as soon as I came home I'm still hungruy!!! My body isn't used to this kind of exorcise- I'll better feed it =) !!